he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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