Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
