the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
