She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
