I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
