Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
