I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize