She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
