hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
BRING THE BAGELS
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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