Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
false alarm. still invincible.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
