I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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