the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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