Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
vagina is talking i cant
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
