You're so nebulous sometimes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
