He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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