You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
