Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
