i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just pee around me
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
