You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is Oprah even human
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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