I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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