after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
