forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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