Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
