im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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