I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
