don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
