Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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