That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
