How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
