Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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