Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
