he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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