Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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