I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
