Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
