Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
