Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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