He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
