I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
