he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My dad just said "fuck circus"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
