he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
