GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
