Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
