Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
