You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
