WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
