I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
