How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
