dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
