I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
