Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I bet he comes in French.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We need to get me chipped asap
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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