His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
