I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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