i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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