if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I cockslap morals
They should really pass out barf bags in church
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
