Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
