i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
