I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
