dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
