All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize