Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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