I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
