god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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