I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize