so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
