Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
