Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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