Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
