Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
