there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
