Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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