i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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