So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
