The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
